My post about being skinny

Hey guys, again this day ~

I decided to write this post because I got this secret today:

I would not consider myself as someone who has real eating disorders, but yes, it's true that I used to (and maybe I still do) have problems with eating. NOT because I want to be skinny or anything like that. I'm basically really skinny. Even my parents don't weight more than 55 kg. Sometimes even I am scared of some pics of me, because I don't feel myself that skinny. The worst pics I could find, but I don't remember if they are one or two years old:

this one is actually really scary. This time I already wasn't okay with eating a lot, I had food max. 2 times a day

BUT. Please notice that I'm short. My height is 163 cm. My weight is currently 45 kg. (Just lost 2 kg = =)

The real problem started when I decided to become a vegetarian. (Don't ask the reasons please, It was a personal choice.) I have to say that it was hard, because we also had to make changes in the family (like making my own food , not just my parents', buying more stuff that I can eat too.) First, my parents wanted me to forget it and just eat meat again, so they didn't buy as many food for me, only meat. But I rejected, and rather didn't eat anything. They accepted it after a short time, and everything became quite okay, although I didn't eat properly. but it was still okay.
I was doing this for more than a half year. And that one week started.My body became so weak that I couldn't stand up without feeling dizzy, I couldn't really do anything, wasn't able to focus on anything, didn't really go anywhere. At that time, I've also been dealing with insomnia for a few months already, so it just made things worse. Maybe you remember some of my old posts, about going to the doc, and the EKG, and X-Ray stuff. Well, I got the vitamins, but I rejected all the doctors, and didn't go. I knew I was okay, so I didn't need any help. But my doctor told me that I HAVE TO start eating meat again, otherwise I can prepare for a long hospital visit. So now, I'm eating chicken meat. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Letting you guys know, that I'm okay ;) When I am asked why I don't eat even if I am hungry, my answer is "I don't feel like it." Weird, but true. I'm also a heavy smoker, so I don't feel hungry as often as other people. That's also a thing that makes things worse. eww

With all the negative things, I generally love being skinny. But I would love to be at least 48-49 kg. But I can't. Thats my problem.

If u have any questions, feel free to ask me ~ (:

I'm out ~

So tired... [pretty long post oo]

Hey guys!

Wow, I haven't been blogging for a month. So sorry for that ! T.T but before and after Christmas holidays, I had to (and still have to) prepare for exams, and I'm not doing too well.... Sometimes I just feel like this pressure is going to break me. I know that it's not high school anymore but I had a hard time there too. I started smoking a lot again, although I was happy during holidays that cutting down actually worked. But now, everything's just the same again....

ANYWAYS.

Quite a lot of things happened. Only 12 days, and we are flying to Düsseldorf. But seems like something is always going wrong. First, we wanted to book the tickets, as they were a lot cheaper like one month or two months ago, and it was all good, Sziszi transferred the money through the bank. But then, it turned out that the bank denied the whole thing, so we couldn't get the tickets. Soooo, we had to buy them for the 2x price -.-""" Because the prices already started to increase.
And now, we thought that everything is happy, we got our tickets, we got a hotel. Hhahahhahahahaha. no. Yesterday I was looking at the online tickets and I realized that Sziszi and her mother bought my tickets with another name O__O (note for foreigners: in Hungary, I have the nickname 'Dóri' which can be used as a shorter form of 'Dóra' and also of 'Dorottya') My name is Dorottya, and they bought the tickets for Dóra. FUCK. So now we are rearranging everything with the tickets and stuff.

But I'm still happy ^^ I got that d.i.a. cardigan for Christmas, and although it's a bit big, I love it! *-*

don't look at the background, it wasnt my flat XD

The day my cardigan arrived, I went to get my 3rd tattoo with Sziszi ~ It's just a small one but it was painful and bleeding like hell ;; I took a pic of it bleeding but I'm sure u don't want to see that XD

hehehe :3

Actually I was planning to get my next tattoo before Düsseldorf but I decided to buy some clothes instead XDD a d.i.a. jacket and my favourite belt *_______* I will meet up with the seller in Düsseldorf to get my items in person ~~ <3

New Year's Eve was also cool ~~ First, we wanted to spend it on the streets, but then my mum gave us  some plus money so we were able to go to the Asian party with out other friends ^^

this was our outfit for the night ^^ 

and my face ~

We went home pretty early ( 2 am ) but we started to drink around 7 pm and got to the party around 8, so it was exactly enough D: It wasn't so funny taking care of a few friends outside in the minuses with no warm stuff on anyways D: I got really sick a few days after.

Oh, and finally, we had our gyarusa meet! Unfortunately without Sziszi, because she got very ill T____________________________T It was really good, although we didn't have any plans about what to do so after some food, we ended up drinking XD (Chiyo knew it!! XD) I had so much fun, I love you all <3 Also , I got to know a new person thanks to the friends of my girls ~ And I feel so relaxed and happy when I'm with him ~

locked out XD

pretties <3

drunk me is drunk oo

movie time with my babe ~~~

That's all for now ^___^

I'm out ~